The Great Character Revolution of Harry Potter
by bookworm97
Summary: The characters of HP are in trouble, so they lead a revolution! Will they finally defeat the Mary Sue? Will they ever abolish slash in hp fanfics? Or will Harry finally get together with Draco? Just kidding! Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

Just so you guys know, this is totally AU - the books did happen but not entirely how they were written. This is only my second HP fanfic, so please cut me some slack. And i know the rhymes are cheesy, but i was board, okay?

**Disclaimer: **

Sauna's are hot

but deserts are hotter

and just so you know

I don't own harry potter

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"Gentlemen," said Harry Potter as he looked at the faces around the table, "_This_ is_ bad_"

With that, he tossed a book to the centre of the table. Everybody leaned in to get a closer look.

Draco Malfoy spoke up. "No." there was a slight strain in his voice when he next spoke. "It's worse."

"No, Draco, actually that's where you're wrong. That book is bad. _This_ is worse." Harry tossed the remaining six books onto the table.

"Oh my god," said the Weasley twins at the same time.

"I thought that-" began Fred

"-they were a myth!" finished George.

Ron was sitting, staring in wide-eyed horror at the paper-backs in front of him. "You got that right."

Harry swallowed. Taking his laptop out gently, he placed it on the table, opened it and turned it to face everyone. "But gentlemen, if that was worse, then this is _disastrous_."

"What is it?" Ron asked, leaning across the table.

Harry grinned, an evil grin. "They call it…" - he paused for dramatic effect – "_Fanfiction_."

A collective gasp went up around the table and Ginny fainted.

"Since we are the characters, it's only a matter of time before our lives are shaped completely by the stories. Something which we cannot allow to happen!"

"Why?" came the tentative question from Hermione, "I mean, it's not as though the books are such a bad thing. I mean, from what I've read, the first two were actually rather good. And the plot lines aren't all that bad."

Harry gave a thin smile. "It's not the books I'm worried about. I've been skimming through this site. Some of them are… disturbing."

"What? What ever these muggles throw at us can't be that bad, surely!" Draco Malfoy was confused. Harry noted to himself that this was a boy that had probably never even _heard_ of a Hermione/Sirius fanfic. Lucky sod.

"No?" asked Harry, an unmistakable tremor in his voice, "Tell me, have you ever heard of the Mary Sue?"

Draco scoffed. "Just an urban myth."

"No, it's not just an urban myth. And that's not the worst of it!"

Ron had started sobbing. "We're DOOMED!"

"Have you ever heard of Slash?"

Draco had his hands in the air as if shielding himself from an invisible attacker. "No! Speak not that word!"

"If this abuse continues, then Fred/George pairings will be set loose!" Harry glanced over at Fred and George. George had gone deathly pale and Fred had started shaking. "We cannot let this happen! We must fight against this common enemy!"

Ron had risen now, looking determined. "Harry's right. We can't let this continue!" he stopped for a bit and sat down. "But what can any of us do against so powerful a foe?"

Harry was silent, and when he next spoke, it was quietly. "We cannot cause much damage, that much I know. But we can cause enough! And I know that I would rather die than be involved in a Harry/Draco pairing." Harry saw Draco's eye's widen in horror out of the corner of his eye. "Now, who's with me?"

At first the table was silent, but then Draco stood up, his face set in fierce determination. "I'll follow you Harry! Even if it means I have to go to the ends of the world, I'll follow you there if I have to, Harry!" Draco was about to say more, but he stopped himself and began to turn a funny colour. "I mean, I'm in," he mumbled.

Fred stood up. "if that's what lies in store for us if we do nothing, then I'm in."

George nodded. "me too."

And so, one by one, the characters of_ Harry Potter_ voted to lead a revolution.

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_ 2, 4, 6, 8!_

_Who do we appreciate?_

_You!_

_So REVIEW! _

Just tell me if you loved it or hated it!_ They are always appreciated. _


	2. Whatever Happened To Dumbledore?

Hey there, guys! I know most of you are probably wondering 'where did she go?' and I would like to say I'm sorry, and that I was swamped with hw. I would also like to apologize for spelling ahead of time, because I have no idea how to spell Grindelwald. If I got it right, it was a lucky guess.

I will try to update quicker next time, and with a longer chapter, although I can't make any promises.

Disclaimer: although in some alternate demention I might own Harry Potter, in this one I don't. >sniff

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Harry looked out across the group of wizards that he had brought

Harry looked out across the group of wizards that he had brought. Since they had voted to lead the revolution, Harry had been trying to work out a way to show them what they were fighting for. He could see the confusion on their faces as he led them through a muggle neighborhood. He led them down another street and turned into a small secluded area.

They watched intently as he stopped at an unremarkable house with purple front door. He turned to them.

"This is the wizarding world's best kept secret."

He stepped up the path, and went through the front door.

There were only twenty wizards in the group, but it was still a tight squeeze in to the entrance hall. Harry looked at them gravely. "Many of you have been wondering why we have not seen Albus Dumbledore lately. I will show you."

He opened a door to the left and showed them into a small living room. There, sitting on a red couch, was Dumbledore. He gave them a wave, went cross-eyed and fainted.

"As you know, we, the characters of the Harry Potter books, are affected by every little thing written or said about us. Take me and Draco for example. Every time someone loads a slashfic, I feel myself become slightly more attracted to him." Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Fred and George look at each other and back away. "This is .why we live in the city. If we are surrounded by muggles, for some reason, they dull the affects of the fanfics and the stories. This is the reason the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix are located in the middle of London. It is also the reason I encourage you all to stay within the city boundaries. The muggles don't stop the fanfics from affecting us, but they make it easier for us to withstand them.

"A couple of months ago, our favorite author decided to do an interview. In this interview, she announced that Dumbledore was gay, and that he'd had an affair with Grindelwald. At the time, Dumbledore was out fishing, in the wilderness, alone with Grindelwald. It took half an hour for the first fanfics to come online. Within minutes, there were thousands, all loaded on to different areas of the web. We lost him in minutes. The sheer numbers was enough to knock him out. When we found him, he was gibbering about sewing curtains, and painting the door purple.

"He reverted back to the simplest stereotype of a gay man. We don't know why, but we suppose that because he lost his mind it had to hold on to something and that was the fact he was gay. That's why he's now the living personification of the stereotypical gay man. We have to keep Grindelwald on the other side of London – if they run into each other…" he broke off, shuddering.

"Anyways… the man you see on the couch was once the greatest wizard in Europe. Now… not so much. He can barely remember his own name, let alone any spells. I suspect he fainted because his brain is having trouble processing all of the people. He's only seen two people since he came here!"

Hermione looked at Dumbledore and then asked tentatively, "how often have you come here?"

"Every day for eight months."

"And no signs of recovery?"

"No."

"Oh."

There was silence for a while. And then Hermione looked at him strangely. "Who's the other person that comes here? You said 'we' continuously while talking, and then you mentioned there are two people that come here. Assuming you're one of them, who's the other?"

"Severus. He comes here more often than I do! He's the one that found Albus, and I think he feels indebted to Albus for saving his life.

"You guys understand why this can't come out, right? If the ministry was to learn of this, they would start a war with the muggles. The idea that muggles hold so much power over us all! Why, it would kill them. But this is why we must find a way to stop fanfiction, before it becomes a _major_ handicap."

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So? How was it? Did you love it? Hate it? Do you think I should be taken outside and shot? Review! I love hearing from you guys, even if its only 'update!'. It shows you guys are still reading it! Although, constructive criticism would definitely be preferred.

Also, any ideas you have would be wonderful. I have a rough idea of the story, but not so many details...


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